Lilly/Tay'Li - Aggression

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more then that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

"While I understand that, it's not my place to kill people anymore," Lillian told her with a nod, getting ready for the next wave. "That's a decision best left to men and women in yellow and green. I'm supposed to be a healer, not a killer and yet...once you kill I don't think you stop. What happens if I don't stop? What happens now that I've broken my oath? What if I'm faced with it again and I make the same decision? These aren't choices I should have any business in making..."

Lillian felt a little bit like she was complaining for no good reason and instead focused on the wave of the next hostiles, taking her aggression out in a more basic way. Perhaps there was a downfall to this plan because it would just make her want to take out aggression, but then again maybe this was best because holograms were things that she could take her anger and hatred out on. Taylor had told her that she wasn't just a bargaining chip and she agreed with him...something in her just made her feel as though it was better her than anyone else and she knew exactly why she felt that way--the Academy. That incident would plague her for the rest of her days and she knew it and she couldn't tell anyone about it, not even Marlo, for fear of putting her in danger too and Marlo was one of the most important people in her life.

"As for Taylor, he might want to do something with me, but I think I'm probably only good for sex," Lillian admitted, dodging a punch in her direction. "I mean not because he said it, but because what else do you offer a man married to his job?"

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

"While I understand that, it's not my place to kill people anymore," Lillian told her with a nod, getting ready for the next wave. "That's a decision best left to men and women in yellow and green. I'm supposed to be a healer, not a killer and yet...once you kill I don't think you stop. What happens if I don't stop? What happens now that I've broken my oath? What if I'm faced with it again and I make the same decision? These aren't choices I should have any business in making..."

Lillian felt a little bit like she was complaining for no good reason and instead focused on the wave of the next hostiles, taking her aggression out in a more basic way. Perhaps there was a downfall to this plan because it would just make her want to take out aggression, but then again maybe this was best because holograms were things that she could take her anger and hatred out on. Taylor had told her that she wasn't just a bargaining chip and she agreed with him...something in her just made her feel as though it was better her than anyone else and she knew exactly why she felt that way--the Academy. That incident would plague her for the rest of her days and she knew it and she couldn't tell anyone about it, not even Marlo, for fear of putting her in danger too and Marlo was one of the most important people in her life.

"As for Taylor, he might want to do something with me, but I think I'm probably only good for sex," Lillian admitted, dodging a punch in her direction. "I mean not because he said it, but because what else do you offer a man married to his job?"

Tay'li snapped the neck of a Romulan, and headbutted a Ferengi, before swinging a roundhouse kick at a Cardassian. She'd programed every species she could think of into this program when she'd created it two years ago, and loved every second of mayhem. At least Lillian felt bad about what she did--Tay'Li couldn't be asked to give two kellicams when she killed someone--The Klingon part of her knew they had no honor--and therefore deserved their path to end in Gre'thor. She shrugged and began to grapple with a Gorn twice as big as herself.

"Give him a new job. Don't you people look at spouse as an occupation? Or else you are a mok'tah--a bad match as it were--and should move on." Tay'Li grunted, hooking the Gorn's arms with her own, and twisting. "jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj--that means, 'I accept your honor. May your enemies run with fear.' Gre'thor will be paved with their ashes. When you must take a life, do so knowing your enemy has no honor, and that it is your only option."

Hopefully this was helping Lillian somewhat, honestly Tay'Li believed the oath to be more like guidelines---which was probably why one didn't see many Klingon doctors. To die, was an honor, unless one had been without honor in life.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

"While I understand that, it's not my place to kill people anymore," Lillian told her with a nod, getting ready for the next wave. "That's a decision best left to men and women in yellow and green. I'm supposed to be a healer, not a killer and yet...once you kill I don't think you stop. What happens if I don't stop? What happens now that I've broken my oath? What if I'm faced with it again and I make the same decision? These aren't choices I should have any business in making..."

Lillian felt a little bit like she was complaining for no good reason and instead focused on the wave of the next hostiles, taking her aggression out in a more basic way. Perhaps there was a downfall to this plan because it would just make her want to take out aggression, but then again maybe this was best because holograms were things that she could take her anger and hatred out on. Taylor had told her that she wasn't just a bargaining chip and she agreed with him...something in her just made her feel as though it was better her than anyone else and she knew exactly why she felt that way--the Academy. That incident would plague her for the rest of her days and she knew it and she couldn't tell anyone about it, not even Marlo, for fear of putting her in danger too and Marlo was one of the most important people in her life.

"As for Taylor, he might want to do something with me, but I think I'm probably only good for sex," Lillian admitted, dodging a punch in her direction. "I mean not because he said it, but because what else do you offer a man married to his job?"

Tay'li snapped the neck of a Romulan, and headbutted a Ferengi, before swinging a roundhouse kick at a Cardassian. She'd programed every species she could think of into this program when she'd created it two years ago, and loved every second of mayhem. At least Lillian felt bad about what she did--Tay'Li couldn't be asked to give two kellicams when she killed someone--the Klingon part of her knew they had no honor--and therefore deserved their path to end in Gre'thor. She shrugged and began to grapple with a Gorn twice as big as herself.

"Give him a new job. Don't you people look at spouse as an occupation? Or else you are a mok'tah--a bad match as it were--and should move on." Tay'Li grunted, hooking the Gorn's arms with her own, and twisting. "jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj--that means, 'I accept your honor. May your enemies run with fear.' Gre'thor will be paved with their ashes. When you must take a life, do so knowing your enemy has no honor, and that it is your only option."

Hopefully this was helping Lillian somewhat, honestly Tay'Li believed the oath to be more like guidelines---which was probably why one didn't see many Klingon doctors. To die, was an honor, unless one had been without honor in life.

"I can't just reassign my MCO," Lillian said, and admitted she blushed when she called him 'hers'. "He's good at what he does and if I ever tried to force my way into the priority, it would make me a terrible person. I don't know," she said as she used her abilities on a Cardassian and ducking an attack from a Ferengi as her abilities didn't work on them. "I think I'm stressing over things I shouldn't stress about."

She decided them to simply focus on her attack, fighting off the wave and feeling a little bit of fatigue, but she was here to make sure that she still had fight in her...and she did. Lillian Crae didn't take anything lying down--well...--and right now it was time that she reminded herself that she was a fighter and a good person, a good woman, and she was going to get through this. Besides, Taylor had to see something in her to offer a dinner date and/or a date and so maybe she was being way too hard on herself when she was actually a much better person already. She had gotten through all of this without killing anyone until now and it was because the people she cared about were being threatened.

"Things can only get better, right?" Lillian asked the half Klingon.

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

"While I understand that, it's not my place to kill people anymore," Lillian told her with a nod, getting ready for the next wave. "That's a decision best left to men and women in yellow and green. I'm supposed to be a healer, not a killer and yet...once you kill I don't think you stop. What happens if I don't stop? What happens now that I've broken my oath? What if I'm faced with it again and I make the same decision? These aren't choices I should have any business in making..."

Lillian felt a little bit like she was complaining for no good reason and instead focused on the wave of the next hostiles, taking her aggression out in a more basic way. Perhaps there was a downfall to this plan because it would just make her want to take out aggression, but then again maybe this was best because holograms were things that she could take her anger and hatred out on. Taylor had told her that she wasn't just a bargaining chip and she agreed with him...something in her just made her feel as though it was better her than anyone else and she knew exactly why she felt that way--the Academy. That incident would plague her for the rest of her days and she knew it and she couldn't tell anyone about it, not even Marlo, for fear of putting her in danger too and Marlo was one of the most important people in her life.

"As for Taylor, he might want to do something with me, but I think I'm probably only good for sex," Lillian admitted, dodging a punch in her direction. "I mean not because he said it, but because what else do you offer a man married to his job?"

Tay'li snapped the neck of a Romulan, and headbutted a Ferengi, before swinging a roundhouse kick at a Cardassian. She'd programed every species she could think of into this program when she'd created it two years ago, and loved every second of mayhem. At least Lillian felt bad about what she did--Tay'Li couldn't be asked to give two kellicams when she killed someone--the Klingon part of her knew they had no honor--and therefore deserved their path to end in Gre'thor. She shrugged and began to grapple with a Gorn twice as big as herself.

"Give him a new job. Don't you people look at spouse as an occupation? Or else you are a mok'tah--a bad match as it were--and should move on." Tay'Li grunted, hooking the Gorn's arms with her own, and twisting. "jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj--that means, 'I accept your honor. May your enemies run with fear.' Gre'thor will be paved with their ashes. When you must take a life, do so knowing your enemy has no honor, and that it is your only option."

Hopefully this was helping Lillian somewhat, honestly Tay'Li believed the oath to be more like guidelines---which was probably why one didn't see many Klingon doctors. To die, was an honor, unless one had been without honor in life.

"I can't just reassign my MCO," Lillian said, and admitted she blushed when she called him 'hers'. "He's good at what he does and if I ever tried to force my way into the priority, it would make me a terrible person. I don't know," she said as she used her abilities on a Cardassian and ducking an attack from a Ferengi as her abilities didn't work on them. "I think I'm stressing over things I shouldn't stress about."

She decided them to simply focus on her attack, fighting off the wave and feeling a little bit of fatigue, but she was here to make sure that she still had fight in her...and she did. Lillian Crae didn't take anything lying down--well...--and right now it was time that she reminded herself that she was a fighter and a good person, a good woman, and she was going to get through this. Besides, Taylor had to see something in her to offer a dinner date and/or a date and so maybe she was being way too hard on herself when she was actually a much better person already. She had gotten through all of this without killing anyone until now and it was because the people she cared about were being threatened.

"Things can only get better, right?" Lillian asked the half Klingon.

Tay'Li shrugged. "It's a possibility...look at it this way, at least you're not dead."

||Starbase 12
||Sickbay > Holodeck II
||August 27, 2387
||1102


A trigger.

That was all that it took in Sickbay that day for Lillian to start to have a panic attack on her own in Sickbay, but it wasn't just the weird note that seemed to imply that they knew...it was the implication of who it was. All that Lillian knew right then was that she was not going to become Marshall and she was not going to become weak. She was stronger than this and while she didn't feel it right then, she knew that she could weather any storm and she needed to find an outlet. An outlet...Tay'Li would know!

Tapping her comm badge, Lillian swallowed. "Tay'Li, this is Lillian--I need to take out some aggression...Klingon style."

Tay'Li had been waiting for someone to utter those words. No one took out aggression like a Klingon, and here someone was finally wanting to do just that, she grinned, and turned around to face her team. The four of them were not happy, and lay on the floor of the holodeck in pain, but she'd finally come through on her promise and it was a lesson they wouldn't soon forget--hopefully it was enough to sink in that the moment peons stopped remembering the basics they were punished. She pressed her comm badge.

"I'm already in Holodeck Two, why don't you meet me here? I know just the thing." She said, and pressed it once more. "Okay ladies, fun time's over, get back to work--and remember I'm always up for another lesson if you slack off again."

A collective groan came up from the floor as they struggled to stand. They'd only gotten two pain sticks each before collapsing onto the floor in pain--normally not a form of punishment but of honor--but Tay'Li used it to get her point across. She took so much more than that every year on the anniversary of her right of passage, but humans were weak things. Nothing like a Klingon--especially a Klingon female...though her father had preferred a human female...maybe they weren't as fragile or her father may have just liked that kind of thing...

"When did we start having fun?" Sykes panted as he leaned his abused frame against the door.

"Buck up, ladies. This is an incentive to not mess up--remember this feeling. I won't hesitate to do it again."

The four grown men closed their eyes in horror...why had they missed her again?

Lillian wasn't quite sure what she was getting herself into, but with K'Nok things had always been very straight forward and they put her in a much better mood once everything rolled along. Since Tay'Li was half Klingon, she figured that it would be the next best thing because the woman was certainly in tune with her Klingon side and preferred to think or herself as a Klingon it seemed...something that Lillian kind of envied sometimes. Klingons were strong and honorable and in this moment Lillian didn't feel very strong, so she'd sought out the person that she thought could best help her as Marlo wasn't this violent. Perhaps Taylor could help her with a spar, but she didn't want to appear anymore weak to him than she had before.

Not again.

So as she took a deep breath, she headed toward Holodeck II and pulled her hair up as she went so that it would be out of her way doing whatever it was that Tay'Li wanted her to do. Lillian might have looked like the pretty, bubbly and perhaps weak Betazoid on the outside, but she was strong and she had been through the Dominion War and this wasn't plaguing her that she had killed a man--she had killed plenty a man during the war--this was plaguing her that she'd gone against her oath. She had joined Starfleet and vowed to be the best of the best and now she was just like him. No...never like him.

Just comparing herself to Marshall Frost made her insides cringe like she was going to be sick and she wanted to scream and yell, but that was what this was for. She was going to let Tay'Li teach her how to do more than just box because while that helped and sparring could help too, the only thing she could think of was sparring with Taylor and she knew she couldn't do that because of all of the thoughts that would cross her mind...thoughts that made her confused and unfocused. No, the Klingon was going to have to help her to get through this because she was worried about what was going on with her and she didn't want to talk to a counselor about this. Talking to a counselor was more than likely to get her suspended from duty for a little while and she could still work--she just had moments of anger and doubt she couldn't fully get over.

"Looks like K'Nok's free time in here," Lillian commented as she entered the Holodeck.

Tay'Li cocked her head to one side. "Who is K'nok? That sounds like a Klingon name."

They weren't here to discuss boys though. Lillian had sounded like she need to take out some aggression and Tay'Li planned to help her do just that--it seemed even doctors needed to bash some heads...she didn't understand that stupid oath anyways. She rolled her head around on her neck, and started the program--easy first with only a few enemies popping out to attack them. She even programmed some friendly faces in case the CMO had some pent up anger she needed to relieve. Tay'Li knew she did--but she always wanted to punch someone, that wasn't anything new.

"So what's the real reason you decided to do this with me? I don't want any lies or I might confuse you with an enemy from the program. This is just the first wave--In between, you fight me."

She sure wasn't going to go easy on Lillian just because she wasn't Klingon--and she expected no less from her opponent. Hence the reason for no breaks; it was to push the endurance and heart rate up, and test the level of stress the Betazoid could take. Shaelyn had been very resilient when they did this--not as resilient as Tay'Li...eventually she couldn't take it anymore, but Tay'Li expected no less from another member of her friend's species. And if she needed to coax the anger out in a way that wasn't the nicest, she would.

"A lot of things happened on Thalos that I'm not proud of," she admitted as she used a phaser against the first wave of enemies. "That and I always seem attracted to what I can't have."

Lillian actually hadn't come here to tell Tay'Li about Taylor, but part of her problems certainly stemmed from liking Taylor when she knew that nothing would come of it...or she thought it wouldn't. The Betazoid had a lot of faith in her and she knew that all of these feelings couldn't be for nothing even though she knew also that if things continued like this then there was certainly nothing to come of this. She was worried about what would happen when he did find a woman that he would give affections to and she'd get bitter and that made her hurt and angry and it bothered her. She was a Starfleet doctor and she hadn't even known Taylor Lucas very long and she was angry about this? Sometimes she wondered if this was because she was a Betazoid with all of those crushing emotions...

It was strange that all of these emotions helped her to fight too.

Tay'Li blocked a punch and held out her hands. "I know I'm super attractive and I'm not ashamed to show off my assets--which is why I have no problems believing that people are attracted to me, but I need to poke a hole in this before it goes any further. I don't roll that way."

She was teasing---mostly. Tay'Li definitely believed all those things about herself--and the amount of Klingon boys who had fawned over her were numerous, but other species were mostly fearful of Klingons...especially Klingon females. They did throw things, and were rather hearty--so she understood where they were all coming from. The enemies had stopped coming and so she turned to Lillian and entered an offensive stance; feet planted shoulder-width apart, right foot slightly forward and her hands up. There was nothing like hand to hand combat--though if she could've convinced the Betazoid that a Bat'leth fight was in her best interests, she would've tried.

"In all seriousness though, what happened down there?"

"My feelings for our new MCO started to manifest into feelings I never wanted them to manifest into," Lillian admitted shaking her head and moving to spar with the half Klingon, anger, pain and adrenaline coursing through her. "I want him and I know I can't because he's not...he doesn't want what I have to offer and he probably never will. On top of that, who wants a woman who can kill like I can? I'm damaged goods. I'm not good enough for him. He's better off continuing not to look in my direction...and that kills me."

Normally Lillian wasn't like this about men--she could love and leave like a true Betazoid. "What bothers me most is I feel like I'm losing myself. I have killed before, but never after taking my Starfleet oath...not until now. Then Taylor shows up and what happens to me? It's like my resolve about men has been altered and suddenly I entertain thoughts in my dreams that I never would. My family finds it strange that I can't sleep around with no feelings, but before I've been able to justify leaving in the end and here? The idea of loving and leaving pains me and yet I feel that's all I can give a man who only sees his job as his future when I want so much more than that."

The pain in that admittance brought tears to her eyes and Lillian honestly thought that something was seriously wrong with her.

"You should drop the d'akturak like last week's blood worms in that case." Tay'Li shrugged nonchalantly. "I kill people all the time. In fact, I killed that Jason Cobalt guy who was sabotaging the station three weeks ago. I find it's better to kill the dangerous people who do bad things than leave them alive where they could just do it all over again, then to let them live another day--just in case they might have a slim chance of changing their tune."

She understood that doctors took the oath to do no harm, but it seemed stupid to her.

"While I understand that, it's not my place to kill people anymore," Lillian told her with a nod, getting ready for the next wave. "That's a decision best left to men and women in yellow and green. I'm supposed to be a healer, not a killer and yet...once you kill I don't think you stop. What happens if I don't stop? What happens now that I've broken my oath? What if I'm faced with it again and I make the same decision? These aren't choices I should have any business in making..."

Lillian felt a little bit like she was complaining for no good reason and instead focused on the wave of the next hostiles, taking her aggression out in a more basic way. Perhaps there was a downfall to this plan because it would just make her want to take out aggression, but then again maybe this was best because holograms were things that she could take her anger and hatred out on. Taylor had told her that she wasn't just a bargaining chip and she agreed with him...something in her just made her feel as though it was better her than anyone else and she knew exactly why she felt that way--the Academy. That incident would plague her for the rest of her days and she knew it and she couldn't tell anyone about it, not even Marlo, for fear of putting her in danger too and Marlo was one of the most important people in her life.

"As for Taylor, he might want to do something with me, but I think I'm probably only good for sex," Lillian admitted, dodging a punch in her direction. "I mean not because he said it, but because what else do you offer a man married to his job?"

Tay'li snapped the neck of a Romulan, and headbutted a Ferengi, before swinging a roundhouse kick at a Cardassian. She'd programed every species she could think of into this program when she'd created it two years ago, and loved every second of mayhem. At least Lillian felt bad about what she did--Tay'Li couldn't be asked to give two kellicams when she killed someone--the Klingon part of her knew they had no honor--and therefore deserved their path to end in Gre'thor. She shrugged and began to grapple with a Gorn twice as big as herself.

"Give him a new job. Don't you people look at spouse as an occupation? Or else you are a mok'tah--a bad match as it were--and should move on." Tay'Li grunted, hooking the Gorn's arms with her own, and twisting. "jIlajneS. ghIj qet jaghmeyjaj--that means, 'I accept your honor. May your enemies run with fear.' Gre'thor will be paved with their ashes. When you must take a life, do so knowing your enemy has no honor, and that it is your only option."

Hopefully this was helping Lillian somewhat, honestly Tay'Li believed the oath to be more like guidelines---which was probably why one didn't see many Klingon doctors. To die, was an honor, unless one had been without honor in life.

"I can't just reassign my MCO," Lillian said, and admitted she blushed when she called him 'hers'. "He's good at what he does and if I ever tried to force my way into the priority, it would make me a terrible person. I don't know," she said as she used her abilities on a Cardassian and ducking an attack from a Ferengi as her abilities didn't work on them. "I think I'm stressing over things I shouldn't stress about."

She decided them to simply focus on her attack, fighting off the wave and feeling a little bit of fatigue, but she was here to make sure that she still had fight in her...and she did. Lillian Crae didn't take anything lying down--well...--and right now it was time that she reminded herself that she was a fighter and a good person, a good woman, and she was going to get through this. Besides, Taylor had to see something in her to offer a dinner date and/or a date and so maybe she was being way too hard on herself when she was actually a much better person already. She had gotten through all of this without killing anyone until now and it was because the people she cared about were being threatened.

"Things can only get better, right?" Lillian asked the half Klingon.

Tay'Li shrugged. "It's a possibility...look at it this way, at least you're not dead."

Lillian nodded at that and gave a smile. "Yeah...at least I can atone."